Friendships – Taking Nothing for Granted

by Nick

Finality & Taking Nothing for Granted

In this episode we take a more grounded and thoughtful approach to our conversation, as we discuss friendships past and present, the impact social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) can have on friendships, and how the finality of a personal loss can spur the reevaluation of priorities in life. Returning listeners may notice a change in tone from our previous episodes regarding politics or current events. While those topics are near to our hearts we wanted to spend this week having an honest conversation about something closer to home.

Flowers for Algernon

The show focuses on the recent and unexpected death of my friend Mike, and its impact on my life in the days following. The permanent absence of a close friend reveals itself in mundane ways that can be more affecting than is first evident. We discuss valuing friendships in the moment and taking nothing for granted, as mortality can rear its head more suddenly than any of us thinks. 

It’s almost impossible to predict these sorts of life events. But sure enough they will come, and we will all face moments like this. We hope that this conversation encourages listeners to take stock of what they have in their lives. Whatever situation we are in, we have something to be grateful for. It is easy to fall into a situation where we are taking things for granted, but it’s important to find time to realize this.

Real Connection

Source: Fix.com

We then expand our focus to social media’s potentially negative effect on human connection, with its unreliable beauty standards and potentially fictionalized accounts of the amount of glamour in regular peoples’ lives. I then pledge never to digitally enhance my or anyone else’s appearance for the sake of the show. 

At some point we want to bring in an expert on this subject, possibly more than one. It is easy to find headlines about the negative side of social media but what good is that without knowing the data and analyzing the information critically. Being that social media is relatively new this may be a difficult challenge to find someone who is capable of speaking about this subject at length. But we are steadfast on our promise to find the truth in all subjects that we talk about. Or at the very least present enough factual information to encourage listeners to do their own research. 

Then we take the show in a new direction, promising to create a podcast that shows why life is worth living, acting as a corrective to the often sensationalistic, “if it bleeds, it leads” news media of 21st century America. 

Resources:

On Grieving: LINK

Handling Loss: LINK

Click here for Friendship Transcript

  0:03  

You’re listening to the DJ Doran Show, a Doran Omni Media production. Warning: The DJ Doran Show contains adult language, mature content, cerebral debate and thought-provoking conversation. Listener discretion is advised. Call 312-235-2281 to be a part of the discussion; that’s 312-235-2281. And now, Chicago’s perspicacious host of your sane radio obsession, DJ Doran.

  0:46  

All right, well, welcome to another edition of the DJ Doran show. I’m your host, DJ Doran, and I’m here with my sometimes co host, Rachel v. Yeah,

  0:57  

yeah, that’s me. Hi.

  0:58  

Hey, hey, So, um, today’s show is going to be a little bit different in, in that it sort of was unplanned, but I want to talk about it. I want to talk about what we’re going to talk about today and the subject is twofold. We’re going to talk about friendship, and what it means to be a friend what friendship means to me. And and what is it like when you lose a friend like I did this, this? Well, just a couple of days ago. And, and then the other thing I want to talk about is truth. What is the truth? What are you seeing and what are you hearing, you know, on on the internet or on TV or on the radio or on podcasts? What is real? What is the truth? And there’s some things that I’ve read this week that just got me thinking and sort of made me concerned about what Our future is going to look like and so. So that’s what our show is going to be about today. So, let me start off by by acknowledging my friend, my friend, Mike harnish, who, who lived in the Emeryville Marina with us when we lived on our sailboat for three years. He passed away suddenly, this week. I had just spoken to him on Tuesday, and he passed away the next day. And it was traumatizing to say the least. And I’m still not. I’m still not really sure how I’m dealing with it. I acknowledge the fact that he passed away but it’s sort of like, you know, it sort of feels like a rip. Like, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared. He wasn’t sick. There was no long illness or anything like that. It was just I talked with him on Tuesday, and he died on Wednesday. And it made me It made me first of all very sad and I am very sad. But it made me start to think about the importance of friendship and the importance of telling people that that are your friends, how much you value them, how much you love them, how much you appreciate them. Because you have no idea when that day is going to come. You have no idea if tomorrow’s going to be the last time you see them or the last time you speak to them. And the one thing that I have learned over the years and not because I wanted to learn it is that death is permanent. There is no do over there is no second chance. There is no later it is over. Now, as a Christian, I believe that there is an afterlife, and so maybe I will see Mike harnish again in the afterlife, but in this life, I will never see him again. I will never hear him again. We will never have telephone conversations share Christmas cards, none of it. And that the banality of that is suffocating in a way and, and so it made me start to think about what kind of friend am I? And what kind of friends do I have?

  4:27  

You know, have you ever heard that saying people that are your friends, they know everything about you and they liked you anyway. That’s what makes that’s what I’m thinking is like, the friends I have know everything about me, but like me anyway, now they’re  few few and far. few and far between. But they’re, they’re quality. And and so I think when you know when you’re younger, you collect friends, right? You’re like, Oh, I want so and so they’re like me and I’m you know in this group, and That group and in this subgroup and sub sub group and whatever, but I think as I’ve gotten older, I have sort of cut away those superficial friendships or I should say I compartmentalize them so that they’re over here. But the people that I’m close to the people that I that I allow myself to be vulnerable to the people that I trust the people that I confide in the people that I rely on, that number is really small. Yeah. And, and so, so anyway, that’s kind of I know, it sounds like a downer. But you know, Mike was never like that Mike was up in irascible, gruff, crotchety old man and he used to always call me up and say, What are you doing, tubby? Cuz at back then I was fatter. And I used to I used to call him a crotchety old man or whatever. But it was It was genuine love for each other. I believe he loved Joe and I and my husband, as, as his family. And we he was. He was always there for us even at our worst time. He was our friend, no judgment, he was just our friend. And that’s what I remember about him and, and we tried to be there for him as well. And even though we lived far away as we moved away from San Francisco, I always made it a point to call him at least once a week, sometimes once every two weeks, but I tried to call at least once a week and just have a short conversation about how he was doing and what was going on in his life and how he was feeling and vice versa. And, and there’s a certain comfort that comes from knowing that when you dial that number, they pick up and here’s the thing is I’m going to show this to you Rachel because It was, it’s just so weird. So

  7:05  

where is it? I’m gonna pull it up here. Oops.

  7:10  

You know, there it is. On Friday.

  7:14  

I sent him a message, a text message,

  7:18  

oh, you send them a picture of you and

  7:20  

Anderson Cooper, but not knowing that he was dead already. And so I sent this and that’s what I would do is I will text message and he goes, he goes, Happy Easter to you and Joe, call when you can. I said I’ll call later this week. And he goes, I knew you wouldn’t answer the phone. So I thought I would send you a text message, right that he sent that to me Sunday, last Sunday, or something I’m sorry, Sunday, September 22. And, and so I sent that message not knowing that he had that he had died. And uh, and it was just the kind of relationship that we had is like, we didn’t have to talk every day. We didn’t have to speak every day, but we were connected. Yeah, he was part of our lives, we were a part of his life. And, and now it’s done. And it’s sad and I hate death. I don’t know about you, I hate death.

  8:09  

I don’t know if it’s, if it’s something you’d enjoy.

  8:13  

Well, you know, people have said, Oh, well, death is part of life. I don’t like it. And I don’t deal with it very well, like we were at the middle of the conference. And, and so, uh, his neighbor called me but I didn’t recognize the phone number, so I didn’t answer it. And so as we’re as I’m standing there with Joe, he goes, I have some very bad news. I, I’m thinking to myself, Oh my goodness, something happened at home, you know, like in our apartment or something like somebody broke in or something. And he goes, Mike harnish died. And I was stunned because I literally just spoke to him two days ago. And he was fine. He was going to climb on the roof and fix up a leak in his roof. He has a mobile home? Or has or I don’t know how you would say it now. And so, so that at first I was stunned. And then afterwards, I just started crying. And I’m like, I didn’t know what to do. I just stood there. Like at our table, it was like, you know, the bistro table is sort of there like tall, no seats, you just stand around them. And I just stood there and I was covering my face. I didn’t want anyone to see but I, I was just overcome with, with emotion and, and shock and grief and sadness and everything and, and it took me a few minutes to gather myself, but I did. And then and then I just said, You know what, I’ve got to power through this, the rest of this conference. And I have to, I have to be professional. And so I did, but it was hard. I had no motivation to be there. I didn’t I wanted to go back to the hotel room. But anyway, I don’t want to get myself all emotional because it’s still very raw for me. But, but the point of it is, is that I didn’t leave anything unsaid with him. I, I made a point to tell him how much we appreciated him that we loved him and that we were his adopted family. misfits, of course, but but adopted, and I believe he felt the same way in in return, and I will miss that man. Absolutely. Because, because there was a realness to him. That was so rare. It’s so rare, which is a good segue into the second half of the show, but he was just, he was just a genuine person. Now, was he rough around the edges? Yes. And did he have like a short temper? Sure. But that man would give you the shirt off his back and share his last slice of Bologna. If he had it, and they don’t make it, they don’t make. They don’t make people like him anymore. He had a lot of demons he had struggled with, with alcohol and divorce and all that he struggled with all those things. But this was one of the finest individuals that I had the privilege to know, in a short period of time that I know Well, I shouldn’t say short. I’ve known them for 10 years, but but it was, it was a he was just a just a great individual, and I am going to miss him tremendously. And I don’t it hasn’t hit me yet because it’s not my one week cycle to call him. You know, so right now, it’s like, I wouldn’t be calling him anyway. Because I used to, I used to try and make it a point to call him every Sunday, but this time we were out of town. So I called him before we left. And then Sunday we got back on Saturday and Sunday. I was so busy. I didn’t call him and i and i And it’s funny because today I was like, Oh, I have to call mike harnish, i have to call Mike and I, and then it hit and then it hit me. And now it’s like, I don’t know. Very sad. So. So friendship to me is more than just showing up. Right? It’s more than just being part of a circle. Friendship is is having a genuine interest in someone’s life, caring about what’s happening in their life. Sharing your successes and failures, your triumphs and tragedies and still being there. friendship is

  12:51  

to me,

  12:53  

accepting someone for who they are fault and all rich or poor, successful or Failure doesn’t matter, because his friendship. Our friendship was with the two of us as people didn’t matter who had what. Yeah. And, and, you know, and when we needed help, he didn’t even ask. He didn’t ask why or whatever. He just was like, What do you need? And we got it. And when he needed help when he was going through some rough times, he called me up and there was not even a question about it done. That’s friendship. That’s real friendship, which I think, which I think I want to reflect on. And I will reflect on, you know, how am I a friend, you know, how am I a friend to my friends? You know, you take, I don’t know about you, do you take your friends for granted? No, I don’t.

  13:51  

If I learned that pretty recently to not you know, to not misunderstand what that what it’s supposed to be in, like, I’ve been with this, you know, I’ve been with certain friends or groups of friends for a certain amount of time and what they mean to me after a while, so I kind of, I kind of grew to understand why they’re in my life.

  14:14  

Hmm. I, I don’t want to say I take my friends for granted.

  14:23  

But I do take for granted that they’re going to be here.

  14:26  

And I’ve done that, like, I don’t, I don’t really entertain the thought that they’re not going to be there.

  14:32  

Well, it’s, I mean, I’ve moved a lot of times in, you know, the 25 years I’ve been alive. So, a lot of times, I wouldn’t be able to keep in touch or people don’t want to keep in touch with me or sometimes they just, you know, fall off the face of the earth. And so, I after a while you start to understand at least I did you know, pretty early on that Yeah, people you know, you gotta you gotta enjoy your time with somebody while you have it. Cuz it might not, you know, you might not get all as much as you really really think you want.

  15:05  

Yeah, I, I moved around a lot. And I didn’t keep track of my friends you know, like I always when I moved I bought the your friends go on the wayside you only I find myself having friends that are in my present, you know in my present life. I it’s funny because I I’ve seen people where they’ve had friends for 20 years or 30 years or what, you know, from high school. I don’t have any of that. And I don’t know why maybe it was because I was in the military and I traveled a lot and moved around a lot. But I don’t have that and, and, and it’s not like I’m not a likable person or friendly person. It’s just you guys didn’t have cell phones. We didn’t. We didn’t have cell phones back then. So when we moved it really was a disconnection, you know from people. Now it doesn’t matter. You can have a friend in Bangladesh and they have facetime or Facebook or what have you. That part I do like about, about social media and technology but, but I can tell you this that no Facebook and no FaceTime and no Snapchat is going to connect me with anyone who has passed. And that is the, you know, that’s why that those things are great. But it doesn’t replace being there. It doesn’t replace being in someone’s life and making the effort and that’s the other thing too is friendship is more than just taking, you have to give and friends give and take. So you get something from being friends with someone and then you know, they take from you what they need to, to, to feel satisfied in their in their relationship. But But you know, I it’s funny because nowadays, there’s so many people that say oh, well, you know, look at me, I’m your friend. I’m your friend. I’m your friend and I always now I want to think like, are you though? Are you are you just clinging to For your own self serving needs, or are you just collecting me? Like, let me ask you how many friends on Facebook do you have?

  17:07  

I guess a lot.

  17:08  

Okay. Do you talk to them all? Not all of them. Yeah, I go to my Facebook list and I don’t know, have any of you done that? You know, I’m asking anyone out in the blogosphere. The I go through my Facebook friend list and I was like, I haven’t talked to them in two years. Why are they friends with me? Why do they, Why do they have any interest in what I’m doing? They don’t have any interest to email me or message me or talk to me? Why are they part of my friends list? So I clear people out and then people say oh, why’d you unfriend me I unfriended you because I never hear from you. yet. We don’t have any sort of interaction you’ve just collected me. I’m one in this stable of people. And I, I have now whittled down my friend list to I have two categories, friends and acquaintances. Friends are my friends acquaintances are like business associates and I’m fine with them being in that list, but I’m talking specifically about my friend list. Exactly. That is dwindling and dwindling. And every time I go on to Facebook I, I look at everyone I say, Okay, I haven’t talked to you in a year, gone you’re, go to the acquaintance list? Because you don’t why would you share your intimate details or your photos of your family with someone that you don’t interact with? And if they don’t interact with you, why would they be interested? So why are we connected? That is, that is not.

  18:32  

That is not. That doesn’t appeal to me. You know, so, with my friend Mike’s passing, I am reevaluating what it means to be a friend. And what my friends mean to me.

  18:51  

I respect that.

  18:51  

And, and I would rather have, truthfully, Rachel, I’d rather have a small circle of people that that I care about. That and I know they care about me. And, you know, in an interface with them, then then have a horde of people that, you know, just are curious. It’s like watching an accident. I’m curious what DJ is doing. He’s a friend of mine, so I can see all of his pictures that he posts. I, that doesn’t appeal to me at all.

  19:19  

And to be fair, I think everybody either, you know, gets to that conclusion to one point where they understand, you know, just because you have a lot of friends doesn’t really mean anything to your quote unquote, friends. It definitely depends on who’s actually there.

  19:33  

Yep. Well, that’s true. And, you know,

  19:38  

Mike’s death is a wake up call to me, to let the people in my life know that, that I think about them that you know, that I care about them that in some cases, I love them. You know, I think that we tend to just say, Oh, they know that already. Or or they assume that and, I just, I just don’t want to take that for granted. If you care about them, then tell them how you feel. That’s really the bottom line. And I don’t need a psychologist or anybody to tell me about friendship to know that. It’s like be a decent human being for Christ’s sake. You know, if you if you want, you want to have a good friend, friendship, and you all and you have a good friendship, let them know. Let them know that you, that they mean something to you, that it matters that they’re here that it matters that they’re part of your life. And yeah, that’s what I’m going to say about that. Yeah. And, and I like to hear that too. You know, like, I’m pretty confident but every once in a while, I like to hear that. People say that, hey, I’m glad that you’re in my life. I’m glad that you’re part of my life. I’m glad that you’re you’re here. So so that’s that’s what I I learned. It’s hard lesson to learn. And I’m sorry for I got a little choked up there, but The hard lesson to learn to permanent lesson to learn, but life is hard. And it can be hard. And and I have to be reminded, like I have been this past week, that, that life is fragile, and it is fleeting. And it at any given moment, any of us for any reason can be taken from this earth. And, and so I personally am going to make a better effort to be a better friend, a more vocal friend, and let the people that I care about know that I care about them. And on that note, you’re listening to the DJ Doran show. And we’re going to take a break, so don’t go anywhere. We’ll be right back. And we’re going to finish up talking about friendship. And then the second half of the show is kind of interesting to me, because we’re going to talk about truth, truth and like, what is it like to, to or what, what what is truth? What does that mean and and why Fake News and fake Instagram and fake videos and deep fake videos such a thing Why? Why are we going through that and what does that mean for us? So, don’t go anywhere you’re listening to the DJ Doran show we’ll be right back.

  22:40  

This episode of the DJ Doran show is brought to you by our friends at Joe Eats World featuring chef Joe Morales as he eats and drinks his way through life sharing recipes, dining experiences and cooking tips. Be sure to follow him at joeeatsworld.com and on his Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Alright, well we’re back and I I’m here with Rachel v. And we’ve been talking about friendship and and I’ve been talking about the recent passing of a very close friend of mine sudden and tragic passing natural causes, of course. No, I think he, he passed away in his sleep or while he was watching his beloved television, but but it it made me reflect on friendship and why it’s important to me and what it means to me and how could I be a better friend and to the ones that are still here and it also made me realize that life is fragile, life is fleeting, and we need to live our life to the fullest, every single day, every moment of every single day because we don’t know what tomorrow brings. There may not be a tomorrow for that matter, you know, for for some of us, God forbid. But if there’s no tomorrow, I want to know today that that

  23:57  

I lived my life to the fullest.

  24:00  

Yeah. Hey, I think we need to ask our audience. What do you think about that? Like it? They like it. Hey, Mikey. All right. Well, so our audience likes it. And this is a, you know, the perfect segue we’re like on the second half of the show, and I want to talk about truth. And, and I want to talk about I want to talk about I guess the only word that I can think of is truth for God’s sake because because I don’t know if you follow any of this, but, you know, we’ve been hearing a lot about fake news and and we’ve been hearing a lot about instagrammers you know that doctor Their photos or there was an Instagram or that I saw who she got busted because there were the same clouds in all of her photos. Right. Do you Did you see that one? Yeah, I remember you showed me that. Yeah. So the same clouds and all of her photos and she goes Yeah, I doctored my photos. It’s creative license. But isn’t that dishonest? You know, you’re not an artist, you know, you’re posting photos that people are, are taking at face value thinking that this is where you are, this is what you’re doing, you know, as it’s connected to whatever posts you’re posting, and then it brought to the, I don’t know why, but always seems like it’s women. You know, it brought to the forefront this, this other woman who was posting this photo and posing like she was going on this big mountainous hike. And but then her sister took a zoomed out photo and she was in her backyard. You know, it’s like, what is real anymore? You know, I did hear this I did hear, I did hear something that someone who was in my Uber who worked for an agency in Washington, DC and monitors societal behaviors was telling me that people get upset or get envious of other people’s lives.

  26:02  

Right? I can tell you right now, yes, that’s the entire reason to do it.

  26:05  

Yeah. And then, um, but you’re only seeing like, 5% of their life still here if you’re jealous of that 5% thenthe goal was accomplished. Yes. And so, so they get jealous of someone else’s life. And then it releases a dopamine, and it gives you a euphoric thing just like crack. You know, it is it’s like cracks the same drug, you know, the chemical in your brain from smoking crack. And the, I guess the thing that I always sort of thought was, okay, all of these really good looking people, all of these super fit people, and they’re doing all these different things. And people follow them blindly, and say, oh, and look at them, and they’re doing this and they’re in that. And I wonder how much of that is true. You know what I mean? And because now with Photoshop and all these other Film Editing things, I could basically create a Whole montage of me traveling the world and never leave my desk. And if I was good enough, you would never even know. And then I thought to myself from an ethical standpoint is why would you do that number one? And number two, how do you feel after you do that? You know, like you’re hoodwinking people. And so today I saw this article and I and then I watched a video about it is called Deep fake videos. Have you ever seen those? Yeah. So basically, if I understand it correctly, it’s not too commonplace now, but it is gaining popularity. So an actor or somebody else can say the word. I’m gonna say, I hate chocolate, right? They say the word I hate chocolate and then they take my face, and then they superimpose my face onto The other person’s face that said it. And then it looks like my face now is saying I hate chocolate and we all know that that’s not true. But but you get my point. So then they put out these videos and you’re you’re thinking that Oh, DJ hates he posted a video that he hates chocolate, but I never said it.

  28:21  

Doesn’t that scare you?

  28:23  

Not really,

  28:24  

why? that scares the shit out of me because we’ve been around this kind of technology for you know, even longer than me. I mean, you’ve seen fads in and out of everything. So when it comes to the internet when it comes to violent video games when it comes to snow, but I’m talking about this is this is like, like fraud. This is like, like, like attributing This is not just an image that you’re watching. This is attributing something to another person that never said that but making it appear like that person said that. It would be okay. You’re transgender, right? Yes. Okay. It would be like somebody superimposed. Like they said, I hate transgender people. Yeah. And then they superimposed it onto my face. And so it looks like I’m saying me. I’m saying, I hate transgender people, and then you call me up like, DJ, what the fuck?

  29:17  

Right? Yeah, I would be so mad about that. Because again, it does it wouldn’t sound like you.

  29:22  

Well, that’s because you know me, but I’m just talking about what about all the other transgender people that don’t know me and it’s on YouTube or something, and they’re like, Oh, don’t listen to the DJ Doran show because DJ Doran hates transgender people. Do you see what I’m saying? I do. That’s what scares me.

  29:37  

And there are legal things in place for whenever people use somebody’s name and has somebody quoting in I know, but they

  29:45  

are listening. We both know that people don’t care about that. I’ve been through this, Rachel, where we went in the court of law and the truth was the truth but it didn’t matter because somebody else was posting shit. That was completely untrue. And people believed that because they want to believe it, or they’re lazy and they and, and even my attorney at the time, I’m not going to go into specifics but my attorney at the time said, Well, we can fight it and you can get a summary judgment against them and big fucking deal. What is that going to do for me? Right, the damage is already done. My reputation is already damaged. That’s what scares me. You know, and so, so yeah, I could spend $10,000 because that’s really what attorneys say as a retainer, almost every one of them Oh, $10,000 retainer, you know, so I shell out $10,000 to go after someone to win something that does absolutely. effing nothing. And so what happens we don’t do anything. And and, and because we don’t do anything, it continues and continues. So that’s what that’s what makes me I think the most nervous but the, you know, it also made me think about like, my Show, right like this show. What is this show? I am not a 20 year old with a six pack. And well not I’m talking about ABS not beer. You know, I don’t have all of my hair I have a lot more than most but, you know, my hair is thinning. I have more wrinkles. Um, you know, and I thought to myself who’s gonna watch or listen to my show? Right who’s not when you can see some of these people that are gorgeous with perfect teeth and you know, unblemished skin and, and whatever. And it made me think that maybe there’s going to be a backlash at some point where people are going to just want to they want to listen to something or want something that’s real, not airbrushed Photoshop. staged you know, what I mean, manipulated that. And, and if that’s the case, I’m totally I’m already totally keyed in. Because I am All of that and more. You know, I’m just a regular guy. I am, I am the regular guy I have a radio show and I talked about things that interest me but I am not going to go to the gym and and work out to create this image. I’m 59 for God’s sakes i’m not i just have no interest in doing that. I like chocolate. I like I made m&m cookies for you tonight, you know when you came over to do the show. And but but it also is that the state of the world is that what we are is that we worship this superficialness that we worship these perfect, seemingly perfect people. And we we want to be them. Now granted, I want to say like have you seen a perfume commercial?

  32:40  

Yeah. Yeah, or like even you know, like the movies. You know, Marilyn Monroe, I get all of that. Yeah. But I just think it’s so much more in my face now with with social media. It’s a little bit kind of everywhere. It’s everywhere in it, you know, you know in Russia I just read this article that this this young girl who’s pretty By the way, she she’s trying to do a selfie and charging her phone on her while she’s taking a bath. And the phone fell into the tub and electrocuted her. Because in Russia, apparently they don’t have GFIs You know, in the plug to trip the breaker, yeah. And so she killed herself. Or you hear about all this woman fell off of a five story balcony trying to take a selfie doing some sort of yoga pose. Right? I mean, really? Is that worth it to you to be, I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to that. But I do know that with my show. My show is you you see. You get what you see. You see what you get? Or whatever was it? Yeah, it’s like I am, I’m just the guy on the radio show. Talking about the things that I think are interesting and hopefully other people think they’re Interesting, too, and I’m talking about them in a way that’s real. I’m not going to Photoshop anything. I am not going to add clouds to a photograph. I am not going to airbrush my wrinkles, or dark rings under my eyes because I didn’t get enough sleep. I am not going to make some crazy pose and some dangerous position or anything. If, if that’s what you want, then this is the absolute wrong show for you to listen to go watch the Kardashians is one of those. That’s nothing they’re famous for what what do they actually do? Don’t ask me. They don’t do anything. You know, but you know, Kendall Jenner, the younger one, you know, she’s supposedly a billionaire. For what? what did she do? She She owns a business. She owns a business. You know that other people invested in that. Thank God because whatever. I wish I had that kind of luck. Or I wish I had that kind of backing. I’d be rich instead of having to work my ass off. But the thing is, is, is, but that’s our culture now, you know, I tell you, I tell you, Rachel, I want to create content That is Good. That’s solid, that’s professional. Sure. That is sorry about that, folks. I didn’t shut off the volume on my computer.

  35:23  

And, you know, it’s funny is that a similar kind of thing happens in the trans community where you have these these girls that would say, girls, because I just like, that’s what I know, better. I don’t know about trans guys. But with transwomen sometimes, you know, you’ll have like, a billion different layers of of makeup on and it’s just it makes it it makes you seem a lot, you know, in a certain way. Whereas just like the rest of us don’t really either can afford that kind of stuff or just really can’t spend that kind of time on that kind of makeup and then you’re just jealous because you’re like, Oh, I wish I can look Yeah, like Like a woman like she does

  36:01  

well, you know, I know it’s been around forever, you know?

  36:07  

Listen, the perfect body, even in the 50s they had all that, you know, perfect makeup and you know the housework. I mean, I get it I totally get it just seems that back then you read it in magazines saw it on TV, but now it’s social media. It’s, you know, people are competing. Did you? Did you ever read that story about this place in California where they had these wild blossoms that happen? once a year, they’re beautiful flowers. Well, all these fucking instagramers flock to there including people that landed a helicopter in the field and they basically trampled. They trampled all the blossoms and to the point where the farm that had the blossoms actually had to close it because there’s so many instagrammers there. It’s like, come on. Come on. I can tell you this Rachel and without any reservation, I will never be that guy. never will. I know that I will never be that guy. Listen, I’ll talk about stuff. I’ll take pictures of my real life as it is no editing, nothing. And that’s what I’ll post and if that is that doesn’t Wow, you. Okay?

  37:20  

I got it. I mean, to be fair, I still Well, people are rather my friends. I still don’t use filters on my pictures, man. I’m up on Instagram. And people are like, Oh my god, you’re so pretty. I’m like, Yes, I know. Thank you.

  37:32  

I just threw up in my mouth a little but that’s okay. I’m extremely confident. Not you. Miss, wallflower. Listen, I I just,

  37:41  

I built a self confidence out of after, you know, coming out as trans and I’m like, Oh, hey, I’m attractive. I like that. I like things about myself. I feel good about myself. And so I’m like, whenever you resonate that with others, they see it and it’s not

  37:54  

you know, it doesn’t come off as pretentious or anything I know. Do you know I got to tell you.

  37:58  

years ago when I was younger, My mother said to me, I was struggling with some self esteem issues. And she goes, if you don’t like yourself, or respect yourself, how can you expect others to? Yeah, so she goes to start with that. Don’t worry about what others think, like and respect who you are first. And I have that confidence as well. I mean, I like to be liked, who doesn’t, you know, but on the other hand, if nobody liked me, I like me. And I respect me and I and, and so yeah, I think that’s a great trait to have. And it’s important and when you have a relationship too By the way, when you have that you’re not co dependent. Yeah, it’s a choice to be together not I have to be with you my life. You know, and that’s how my marriage is with my husband, you’re assured of yourself, you don’t need anything more than that. Right. So anything that you add isn’t, is a is a supplement, not a not a dependent

  38:57  

and it feels like the opposite with people who spend lot of time and a lot of energy and a lot of effort just trying to create an image that doesn’t really exist.

  39:05  

Yeah, I agree with you. So my, you know, my, my whole thing is with, and as I’m, as I’m thinking about this is, is I’m just going to do shows about what I like and what, and they’re going to be real. And it’s not going to be fancy. It’s not going to be filtered and not going to be airbrushing, and I’ll never do one of those fucking Instagram things where I look like a dog. You know? I hate those things. What do you mean? The filters where you put ears in the little doggy nose on your face?

  39:38  

I don’t know if that’s

  39:40  

maybe a Snapchat, Snapchat, oh, I What do I know I don’t even use Snapchat. And so but I’m just saying is my my, the photos I’m going to take are going to be of what my real life is. And that’s it. And if that is not enough, then that’s fine.

  39:54  

And funny enough I’m on that same level with you being somebody who’s who’s you know, different generation, I feel that way to have I don’t need to lose hope. I don’t need to jump through hoops for people to think I’m cool. I don’t

  40:04  

give a shit good. But I think that i think that that’s where I think that’s where, where there’s going to be some sort of backlash, I think in the future where people are just going to get sick of it. Yeah, like, I don’t want an edited version of the truth. I want the truth in all of its ugliness and, and, and nonconformity, that’s what I want.

  40:26  

And I think even especially if you know that person, if you have your friends with somebody who’s probably who does a lot of that and who does, who spends all of this time trying to look a certain way and you’re like, I know you Why are you doing this?

  40:38  

Well, I had a friend who saw a picture of me and said, Oh, we need to, you know, we can get rid of those dark circles under your eyes and we can do this. But then you look like you can tell when when you see a photo it looks photoshopped. You look like you died in the embalmer, you know, in the mortician like put on that, you know, extra heavy makeup so that all that No, thank you. I’m not ever doing that. I’m telling you right now, ladies and gentlemen, I will never do that ever. It’ll never happen. So and that also made me think about what my show is. You know, it’s not i’m not pandering to anyone. I’m just talking about life. Very true. From my perspective. As a, I don’t know what I’d be considered middle age or,

  41:23  

you know, I’d be the wrong person to ask.

  41:26  

Well, no, I guess at 59 I’m, unless I’m planning on being 118. So I’m on the I’m on the last segment of my life, right. Rachel, I don’t give a shit. I don’t give a shit where people think you’re at that I don’t give a shit stage. Yeah. So So to me, I would just rather be I would just rather be myself. And if you like me, great. If you like the show, great. If you don’t, okay, I have another job. I have income so you’re not taking anything away from me. If you like what I’m saying or if you can relate to what I’m saying then awesome. You know, maybe maybe you’re in the same boat. You know, I’m not a, I’m me. I’m not going to be pigeonholed by what other people think I should or shouldn’t be. You know, I was telling Rachel earlier about, I was thinking about doing more politics and current events. And as I was actually speaking those words to her, I slapped myself, I should have punched myself, because I don’t want to do that. everybody’s doing politics and current events. And really, although it would be an interesting, it would be an interesting show in the fact that I’m a gay professional. Who is a Liber-tive. liberal conservative. Yeah, liber-tive. I’m a liberal conservative. Um, I think that would be my uniqueness to a certain degree, but then I thought, why do I want to open up myself to that vitriol. You know, we don’t live in that world anymore. There is no civil discourse. There is no moderate or very little space for moderates, it’s it’s polarizing, especially now. It’s been polarizing for years, but it’s especially now. And so I don’t want to do that. And I, it made me start to think, What do I want? What do I want my show to be about? And you know, when I come back, I’m going to tell you what, what I want my show to be back be about. So don’t go anywhere. We’re going to take a break and when we come back, we’re going to finish up the last 18 minutes of the show, and talk about what it is I do and why. Alright, so don’t go away. You’re listening to the DJ Doran show.

  43:39  

You’re listening to the DJ Doran show. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back. Call 312-235-2281 to speak to DJ

  44:21  

Well, we’re back. I don’t know what happened. I hope I hope that it it. It worked, but I couldn’t hear the music. Did you hear it? I didn’t, I didn’t hear anything. So let’s try that one more time. Hold on one second here.

  44:36  

You’re listening to the DJ Doran show.

  44:39  

Don’t go away. Nope. I don’t know what’s going on, another technical difficulty that is just random. We, you touched nothing, right? I’ve touched nothing. I’ve touched nothing. And so it worked and everything else. So let’s try this. This worked earlier.

  45:00  

So hold on.

  45:09  

That’s so weird. Okay, well, we’re back. I don’t know what’s going on all of a sudden, there’s no music. It’s just unbelievable. I guess we’ll plow through it. We’ll just plow through it and hopefully I’ll be able to be able. There’s literally no sound. If you heard that that’s what I feel like doing right now. I don’t know what’s going on. Let me the volume on the laptop. I think that’s what the difference was. No. No, because it should be coming through our headphones. So ladies and gentlemen, we’ll work through all this. I have no idea why the sound all of a sudden, all of a sudden

  45:54  

isn’t working.

  45:57  

Just amazing. This is Everything is correct. The output, the input is all correct.

  46:08  

So, I have no idea. It worked earlier. So that was the cool part. So I don’t know what’s going on. Anyway. I’m just gonna go on and if we if we don’t have any sound and we don’t have any sound, but it made me think about what I want my show to be about and, and, and I don’t want to do politics i although politics interests me and current events always interest me. I find that the news shows the worst part of our society. That’s what we see. we’re inundated with the worst part. Somebody shot somebody somebody threw a baby off the balcony. You know, drunk drivers, gun violence. Politics, you know, they hate this. They hate that they hate this. They hate that Fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting, fighting.

  46:59  

I mean, that’s what the You know, that’s what the news actually thrives on. I mean, that’s the only reason you see so much of it is because that’s what people want to read. Right? So what interests people anyway, that’s what gets them paying attention. And you know, that’s how they make money.

  47:12  

Well, that’s the thing is, I don’t want a show about that. That’s been played over, you can get that so many other places and other people can get you all riled up and whatever. But what I want to try and do is why can’t we create a show about people doing good things, you know, good people doing good things. And the positive side, the renewing side, the the the, the reaffirming side of life, like, like, people that make you laugh, people that are doing things that are helping people, you know, things that are interesting, things that are thought provoking things that make you stop and go huh. Sure. What I want to do and this gotta be there got to be people that want it want to hear that, that that need a break from the constant vitriol of Washington or the the never ending barrage of hate and violence that they see on every news channel. I mean, I wonder if I often wonder, you know, I go to the movies when I go to the movies I go to be entertained and to escape. And I often wonder if people go to the movies to just get away from life you know, it used to be you didn’t see it. You had to read it in the newspaper or listen to it on the radio now it’s everywhere. First thing in the morning, on on your computer’s headlines on your phone. You get no peace, no peace and quiet. So let’s do this. Let’s make a commitment, Rachel 

V that we’re going to make a show that people listen to that reaffirms the goodness of society that reaffirms that life is worth living. That reaffirms that there are good people doing good things, and that that teaches and helps and guides rather than tears down and, and, and destroys. And I kind of feel like that’s what I really want to do. And I I don’t know why. I, I always wanted to get into the fight of politics because I think inherently I’m a fighter and I want to I want to fight against fake news or I want to fight against injustice or I want to fight against inaccurate information, but, but and don’t get me wrong, it is fun. It is. It is kind of fun. But you have to have a thick skin which I have.

  49:41  

Yeah, but at the same time you do get a certain joy out of it.

  49:44  

Yes. And I and I do get a certain joy of, of winning the argument if you will, or, or whatever. But I also there’s also a byproduct, there’s also a, what do you call that When you take a drug and you have a side effect, there also is an unintended side effect. And that unintended side effect is that you start to become cynical. You start to become jaded. Yeah, you start to become angry. You start to become depressed because you feel like we’re doomed that the human race is doomed that there is no hope that there is there is no light at the end of the tunnel that we’re not going to figure out figure it out. It’s just going to get worse and worse and worse. And I think that that is an easy rabbit hole to fall into. And so I am going to make the choice that the DJ Doran show is going to be about positivity. It’s going to be about the goodness of people. I am going to fight the urge to report, comment, shine the spotlight on the negative side of society. And instead, I want to focus on the positive side and I think that is that’s kind of new for me. You know being in, in media, I’ve always reported on the negative side like, you know, the laws against the LGBT community or the fights in the supreme court or, or, you know, politicians doing this and that or the other thing and even though this is an election year, while everybody else is foaming at the mouth, talking about politics and all the hateful and vitriol, that is, that is going to come out of it and believe me, it’s going to get bad. I want to I want, I want to talk about and two people that are making a difference. I want to talk about

  51:57  

I want to talk about the goodness

  52:01  

Yeah, I want to talk about the goodness whatever you were doing is picking up in my mic

  52:04  

and I know I just I had to adjust it back was hurting.

  52:08  

Oh, yeah. And so that’s what I want our show to be about. That’s what I want the show to be about I want to be about that we can we can learn about things that are interesting to, you are probably too young but you remember this guy from CBS News? His name was Charles Kuralt. Okay, you’re too young. Yeah. But um, he used to, he was on CBS News. He was kind of a heavyset guy. But he did the segment where he drove a small motorhome, drove across the country. And all he would do was stop in these little places and talk about the goodness that is America. And I often thought we don’t ever see that news. Do you? Do you ever see that? I don’t

  52:56  

watch the news anymore,

  52:57  

very little. You don’t see it. I’m just saying Is everything’s on the news is impeachment in Syria and China and then murder and murders in Chicago and this and that, but, but I really liked watching that show for the time that it was on because it made me realize that there’s so much more. There’s so much more in this country and in the world of people doing good, being good, you know, helping others and coming together and what have you. And but we but if you watch the news, you would never even know that that existed and I am going to make the conscious choice that we are going to lead the revolution. And we are going to focus solely on the good things people are doing, the interesting things that have people doing the, the, the newsworthy things that people are doing, to contribute to the fabric of our society, both here and abroad. Okay, that’s what we’re going to do. And so other people can talk about politics and Get involved in that and talk about oh, I destroyed these liberals and the liberals talking about I destroyed these conservatives and this and that you go ahead and do all of that. I want to, I want to focus on the other part of society, the LGBT, part of society. That is, every day, you know, we get up we work, we have kids, we have families, we struggle to, to do everything. We’re not out there marching, protesting, or any of that we’re living, we’re living our life, and we’re doing things and we’re helping things and, and, and I want I want to do that. So that’s what we’re going to do. Okay.

  54:38  

That makes me feel better. So, starting forward, um, our focus is going to be on the good that’s in this world.

  54:49  

Okay.

  54:51  

And I’m, I’m happy about that. So I had a really sad week. You know, like I was telling you earlier, my friend passed away and maybe that’s why I’m being reflective right now. But I, uh, I’m not over it. It’s going to take me a while to come to terms with it. But I think that I’m going to disconnect. I know this is hard to imagine for me because I’m such a news junkie, but I’m going to disconnect from the news. I’m going to disconnect from the neg-, the constant bombardment of negativity and, and negative images and negative messages. And I’m, I am going to actively search for things that make me feel good. You know? I think that a lot of people don’t realize that these news organizations, they put up these salacious headlines and these horrific photographs to elicit an emotional response. Yes. And it makes you outraged. Yeah. And it makes you angry. Yeah, I know. I know exactly what you’re saying. Why can’t we do the opposite? Why not? And start here start now that our show is going to be about the inherent goodness of people. And and I think the next show, I want to try and do and I hope I’m going to promote I’m going to promote it and I hope that we get some responses. I want people to call in and share their coming out story. You want next week to be about coming out? Me Yeah, coming out. I want to I want what made you What effect did that have on you? And, and, and the good and the bad? And how is it shaping who you are? And and I think that that isn’t that is a story that never gets old. Like I really want to learn about other people’s journeys because my journey was unique. Your journey was unique, and I’m sure other people’s journeys are unique and I, I have now I’ve now sort of come to the realization that these things in politics and, and current events, although they’re interesting and they are, they’re challenging. That’s not where I want to focus anymore. I want to focus on I want to focus on the positive side of humanity I want to focus on, on the things that make people smile. I want to focus on the things that lift people up and I want to focus on the things that make me feel reaffirmed that humanity has a chance in the future that there are people that that are maybe not out and visible as some of the some of the others, but they are doing things because there’s got to be more because if there isn’t Rachel we’re fucked. Trust me, there’s a lot more. Yeah. And I, I truly believe that. And so that’s what we’re going to be focusing on. Alright, well, having said all of that. I don’t know if the sound is working because I can’t hear it in my ear. But let’s do the show closing and, and hopefully you’ll, you’ll tune in next week. By the way, we’re going to be doing two shows this week. So we’re going to do a show today monday and then we’re going to post another show or record another show on Thursday because Joe and I are going to be in Mexico for vacation at the end of the month. So we want to make sure that there’s a show posted every week. So the next show, we’re going to talk about coming out and hopefully people will call in and share their coming out stories. You’re listening to the DJ Doran show. You can follow us on Apple podcast, Google podcast, spreaker, Stitcher, SoundCloud podomatic. Did I miss anyone Spotify, Spotify, so make sure you take a listen to our show like us five Follow us and all that good stuff. Also, you can go to our website, DJdoran.com and you can see our shows there or you can follow the kWIR media network on YouTube and our shows are posted there as well. So until next time, have a wonderful evening. You’ve been listening to the DJ Doran show.

  59:20  

Thanks for listening to another edition of the DJ Doran show. You can find us on Apple podcast, Google podcast, SoundCloud, podomatic stitcher and all of the other major podcasting sites. Just search for the DJ Doran show.

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